Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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