I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The beer is more important than you right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
