You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
barbara walters just said penis...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
