foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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