had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
