so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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