Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
