it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
