K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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