if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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