dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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