So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
