I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
