My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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