if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize