shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
