Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You made out with two different species that night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
