i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
