just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
