I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
