My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
