now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
