I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
