So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
