I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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