im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
