she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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