That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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