My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
