mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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