You just made me feel so damn special
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
