I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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