I just saw a hot homeless man
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
