I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
