is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
