I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
