I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
