my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
