i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
