i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
