I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
