i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
