Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
