Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my poor anus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
