Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
