I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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