Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
