There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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