What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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