The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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