Umm I'm too high to move.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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