I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
