you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
