Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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