YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
