Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
