guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
