You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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