Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
