What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
