Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.