You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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