You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.