I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.