Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN