Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?

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  (412): Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned? http://tfl.nu/249l
  Replies (32) Good night (687) Bad night (6572)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.

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  (603): I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels. http://tfl.nu/ciic
  Replies (28) Good night (3501) Bad night (1653)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

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  (803): I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix http://tfl.nu/tcv4
  Replies (35) Good night (7463) Bad night (1210)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

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  (614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7
  Replies (3) Good night (2373) Bad night (626)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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  (540): Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up http://tfl.nu/xh5q
  Replies (18) Good night (1099) Bad night (2700)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween

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  (403): I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween http://tfl.nu/vo8h
  Replies (4) Good night (2118) Bad night (591)
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  (707): View more from California

  nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.

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  (707): nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids. http://tfl.nu/kj6p
  Replies (11) Good night (2692) Bad night (528)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

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  (613): Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET http://tfl.nu/m2li
  Replies (6) Good night (1567) Bad night (611)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

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  (815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi
  Replies (10) Good night (1464) Bad night (791)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (2001) Bad night (547)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.

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  (202): You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole. http://tfl.nu/s7os
  Replies (2) Good night (885) Bad night (443)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.

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  (720): I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer. http://tfl.nu/osbe
  Replies (8) Good night (1370) Bad night (497)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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  (931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj
  Replies (6) Good night (1875) Bad night (397)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.

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  (262): got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table. http://tfl.nu/5l8a
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (273)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...

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  (519): sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain... http://tfl.nu/qwc4
  Replies (0) Good night (632) Bad night (277)

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