you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.