I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
