White coat. Heels.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
